It’s not what you say but how you say it

Welcome to the ninety-sixth edition of “In-Touch”. As always, I would love to continue the conversation so please hit reply and let me know what you think.

Story of the Week: "It’s not what you say but how you say it"

“Would it be all right to take a couple of books to the café with me? I’d like to look through them first and then decide which one to buy.”

“This is not a library!”

It’s true that I was not in a library. The above brief dialogue took place inside Europe's largest bookshop – Waterstones at Piccadilly Circus, London – but having seen people reading books in the café there, I was quite surprised to receive such a sharp, abrupt reply to my question. The sales assistant not only shut down the conversation immediately but made me feel unwelcome.

Undeterred, I continued browsing the floor-to-ceiling shelves (Waterstones has over 150,000 books) and chose a couple of titles. Unsure of which to buy and in need of a rest, I decided to repeat my question to another member of staff. This time, the essence of his response was similar to that of his colleague but it was framed quite differently. “Go ahead,” he told me, before adding, “It’s not ideal but go ahead.”

That simple change of delivery made all the difference. I ended up buying both books before relaxing in the café.

This experience serves as a reminder to everyone in customer service that the way you say something is often more important than the actual content of your message. Take, for instance, a complaint about a late delivery. A dismissive response (“It’s not our fault; you’ll just have to wait”) will leave the customer even more frustrated whereas a more helpful approach (“I understand your frustration; let me check and see if there’s some way we can expedite your delivery”) shows empathy and a willingness to assist. Even if the late delivery cannot be changed, the customer will acknowledge that an effort has been made and will accept the situation more easily.

Similarly, if a customer asks for a discount and receives a straight “No, we don’t offer discounts” in reply, a negative mood is immediately created, whereas a more positive answer, such as “I’m afraid we don’t have discounts at the moment but you might be interested in our loyalty programme which offers a number of benefits” leaves the door open for a positive interaction.

In each case, the result is likely to be the same but the way it is delivered has the power to either alienate or engage the customer. A little empathy, a moment’s pause and a solution-oriented mindset can make a world of difference.

Words of Wisdom

“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives” Anthony Robbins

A Question to Ponder, dear friend.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which your mood was positively affected by the clever way someone approached your problem?